


Jessica's Journal

by mamacyno



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Closure, F/M, Fix-It, Forgiveness, Resolution, Season 2 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 06:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14373318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamacyno/pseuds/mamacyno
Summary: Jessica tries to set Wyatt's, Lucy's and her future onto the right path with a journal of her own.





	Jessica's Journal

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fix-it speculation for how Timeless could (should) resolve the Lyatt/Jessica storyline. I have complete faith in the Timeless Writers Room, but I needed to write this so that somewhere there exists a resolution where Wyatt realizes (mostly) on his own where his happiness lies, he doesn't break things off with Jessica because she's RH, and Lucy doesn't feel like his consolation prize.
> 
> Disclaimer: Timeless' characters own my shipper heart, but I have no claim to them.

“So…”, Wyatt said as he sauntered into his and Jessica’s room, where his wife sitting at the desk deep in thought as she wrote in a notebook of some kind. “I was thinking maybe you and I could sneak out to Max’s for a date night.  I can’t remember the last time we chowed down on some good ol’ Texas barbecue.” He placed his hand on Jessica’s shoulders and gave them a little squeeze.

Without looking up, Jessica replied, “That’s because you swore you’d never go there again after you found a hair in your cole slaw.”

Wyatt ceased massaging her shoulders. “What? When?”, Wyatt asked quizzically.

“Four years ago,” Jessica said with the slightest hint of exasperation.

“Huh.” Wyatt sat down on the cot beside the desk. “Well, how about we go somewhere more romantic? Like Angelo’s?”

Jessica looked up at him this time. “You’re kidding, right?  You started a fight at the bar three years ago when we went there for our anniversary, because you were upset about how long we were waiting for our table – which you forgot to reserve.”  She shook her head recalling her embarrassment from that night.

Wyatt had no recollection of that, of course, but was now focused on trying to fix this train wreck he unleashed. “I’m sorry, Jess,” he apologized.  “I’m trying to make up for lost time and just hoping we can get back to some sense of normal again.”

Jessica looked at him and then let out a chuckle. “A ‘normal’ where time travel exists, and the husband who sits before me isn’t the husband I’ve known for the past six years.  Good luck with that, Logan.”

“Yeah, something like that, Mrs. Logan,” he said in reply with a smile.

 Jessica collected the notebook on the desk before her and handed it to Wyatt.  “Well, maybe this will help. Or hurt. I’m not sure, but I’m out of ideas,” she said.

Unsure what she meant, Wyatt flipped through the book that was filled with pages in Jessica’s handwriting. “What is this?” he asked genuinely curious but with a slightly nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“It’s a journal – my journal.”

Repressing the memories that the word ‘journal’ conjured up, Wyatt tried to keep his focus on the present and looked up at his wife.

“I know you don’t remember,” Jessica continued, “but when we started counseling two years ago, Todd suggested that you and I write down our thoughts, memories, emotions… He thought that it might help with our sessions and our communication with each other.  Naturally you refused, but I tried to do it for myself… for us.” 

Wyatt looked back down at the journal with an all too familiar pang of guilt in his gut.  This is one of those actions that he couldn’t easily assign blame to ‘that’ Wyatt, because this Wyatt sitting here today would probably refuse the same request. 

 _Typical Wyatt_ , Jessica thought, as her husband said nothing. “Anyways… I was thinking that it might help you to fill in the blanks about the past couple of years,” she offered. “I’ll warn you now, I didn’t expect to share that with anyone when I wrote it, so there are some pretty harsh words in there about you, but it’s a true reflection of what I was feeling at the time.”  Jessica suddenly felt nervous about this plan, but she meant it when she said she was out of ideas.

Wyatt finally broke his silence with a protest. “Jess, I’m not sure if this is a good idea.  I mean you said yourself, you meant to keep this private, and as I’ve told you, I’m literally _not_ that guy.”

Jessica expected this response and was ready with her counter-argument.  “Yes, I believe you when you say you’re not that guy.  I can see that you’re… different… now, but I need you to know two things. First, even if it wasn’t ‘you’ then, it was me, and you should know where my head has been the past two years, because those scars don’t heal completely.”

Wyatt nodded.

“Secondly,” she continued, “I want you to read it, because…” Jessica felt her nerve leaving her, but she knew she had to say it. “Because I’ve been re-reading through those entries these past few days, and the truth is, if I’m honest with myself, you started changing _during_ those two years – or at least after you took this assignment.”

Wyatt knew his wife well enough to know that there was something she wasn’t saying, but he also saw this was a difficult and brave offer she was making, and he didn’t want to belittle it with further protests.

“OK, I’ll read it,” he said simply.

Jessica summoned a smile to her face. “Good,” she said as she slapped her hands on her lap and stood up. “In the meantime, I’ll go take a shower and get ready for our date night, while you get started… and figure out a way for us to sneak out and back in without Agent Christopher knowing.”  Jessica gently brushed her hand against Wyatt’s scruffy cheek as she walked by him on her way to gather her robe, towel and toiletry bag.

“Hey, Jess?” Wyatt said as she was heading out the door.  Jessica looked back at him and waited. “Thank you,” he said as he held up the diary.

“Don’t thank me, yet,” she replied with no hidden undertones.  “The past six years have been a roller coaster.  You better buckle up, cowboy,” she said as she closed the door gently behind her.

Wyatt laid down on the cot, took a deep breath and began reading.

 

************************************

_August 9, 2016_

_This feels ridiculous to write down my feelings, but Todd said it would help our counseling, and I’m desperate to save our marriage.  I know Wyatt won’t do the same, so once again I’m the one left carrying the load.  I suppose I should be relieved that he at least agreed to marriage counseling considering how hard he was fighting it since all hell broke loose four years ago._

_I still can’t believe how bad that fight got. It’s not the first time that Wyatt got behind the wheel after drinking more than he should have, but his ranting and rage over me talking to my ex (a high school ex!) was truly frightening. I was so sure he was going to run us off the side of the road that I just had to get out of that car. After I got out, I immediately realized how stupid and dangerous a move that was, but Wyatt – the bastard – drove off before I could stop him.  It was pure luck that a car came by soon after with a kind woman who offered to drive me to my girlfriend’s house._

_I should have walked out on him then.  If I ever told my parents about that night, they would have physically removed me from our home and put a restraining order on him. But I stayed. He said he was sorry, and that he would change. So I forgave him, and I stayed._

_After that things got a little better. He still drank too much, and we still fought, but every once in a while he would be deployed, and absence made the heart grow fonder – or at least it made the fights fewer and further between. And that’s how life went on._

_As the years went by, I became anxious to finally start our family, but Wyatt just kept saying, “Relax. We’ve got all the time in the world, Jess.”  He would say it so immediately and nonchalantly, and every time he did, I just buried my resentment further below my feelings of sadness and loneliness when he was off saving the world._

_I know Wyatt didn’t have the happiest childhood, so maybe that’s why he doesn’t want kids as badly as I do, but it’s driving a wedge between us, and I’m not getting any younger.  I feel like I’m just treading water through shift after shift at Gilroy’s waiting for him to finally be ready to move forward. But instead he seems content with our lives. Like I was the bright light he met at 17, who finally rescued him from his darkness.  But who will rescue me from mine?_

***********************************

Every word hit Wyatt like a semi-truck. It pained him to hear in Jessica’s own words how sad and desperate she had been during their marriage, but the worse part was the husband she described was in fact him, and he couldn’t deny that that’s the kind of husband he was.

 _I’ve changed though,_ he reminded himself. _I can be the husband she deserves to be_. He skimmed through more entries where Jessica recounted details of past fights and arguments, grateful that he couldn’t remember some of them. Then he came across an entry dated shortly after the first trip in the Lifeboat.

***********************************

_October 4, 2016_

_Wyatt has been called into action again, but fortunately (?) this time it seems to be a local assignment.  He was sulking in his usual spot at Gilroy’s downing his whiskey while he kept a watchful eye to make sure no male customers got too friendly with me.  He got the call after Happy Hour ended, and told me he had to run. I questioned if he should be reporting for duty given how much he’d been drinking, but he ignored me as usual and ran off to play hero._

_He came home in the middle of the night, which was unexpected. I know better than to ask how the mission went, but there was something about his demeanor this time. It was almost like he was in shock… and sad? I asked if he was OK, and he just looked at me like I was a ghost. He hugged me to him like he was afraid I might disappear, but like the loyal soldier he is, he told me nothing about what happened. And before I knew it, his phone rang, and he was out the door again._

***********************************

_October 6, 2016_

_Wyatt came home last night with a gunshot wound! It’s not his first, but it still makes the reality of how dangerous his life is hit me like a slap in the face. This other life that I can’t be a part of, so much so that he didn’t even call me to bring him home from the hospital. He took a freaking cab home. Am I even a part of this marriage anymore?_

***********************************

Wyatt was so deep in thought and memory that he didn’t notice Jessica had walked back into the room.  She dressed silently not wanting to interrupt him.  Realizing that date night was likely to be cancelled, she walked back out to make them dinner.

***********************************

_October 25, 2016_

_When I came home last night, Wyatt was watching_ Weapon of Choice _like it was the first time he’s ever seen it.  He asked me to join him and even popped some popcorn for us.  During the battle scenes, he reminisced about Grandpa Sherwin’s war stories. Oddly during the love scenes between James Bond and Lucy, he got all huffy though.  It was kinda cute, and reminded me of the boyish charm I fell in love with so long ago._

***********************************

_November 2, 2016_

_Something happened to Wyatt on his last mission, but of course, I don’t have the security clearance to know what “it” is.  I assume it must have been a PTSD episode, because his eyes have that familiar vacant look, but this time is different. He dug out his Medal of Honor from the shoebox buried deep in the bedroom closet, and when he looked at it, there was almost a look of peace on his face instead of the usual guilt and pain._

***********************************

Wyatt closed his eyes to rest them and to think back to that day at the Alamo.  He willed himself to not think of the battle itself, but instead to what helped him get over the hump that day.  Two small soft hands on either side of his face and two beautiful brown eyes looking into his pleading with him and reminding him that he was needed and trusted.  He snapped out of his self-destructive state at that moment, because of Lucy. 

 _But,_ Wyatt thought to himself, _if Jessica was alive, why would I still have been so ready to die then?_  He decided trying to answer that question would give him a headache, so he skimmed ahead and found an entry that would have been around the time they met Bonnie & Clyde.

***********************************

_December 7, 2016_

_Wyatt took me out for dinner tonight out of the blue. Even though he’s been home for this assignment, we weren’t really spending any more time together than when he’s overseas.  During dinner he recalled the story of when he asked me to marry him back home under “our” tree back home in Texas. It would have been sweet, if it wasn’t so out of character for him to be so nostalgic with his talk about how lucky we were that “lightning struck us” and we fell in love.  It was honestly difficult to enjoy the romance he was trying to rekindle, because I couldn’t keep my suspicious wife brain quiet.  Something or someone must have triggered this change in him, because this was definitely not my Wyatt._

***********************************

_January 19, 2017_

_With Wyatt’s assignment – at least I think it’s the same assignment – being local, I thought that we would actually have a chance at having a normal holiday season this year.  I was really trying to be optimistic after the surprise date night last month that we were doing better.  I even let myself foolishly think that enjoying the holidays at home might be a way to show Wyatt how having a baby could make our family complete._

_But instead he barely spent any time at home this past month.  He came home one night in mid-December more upset than I can remember ever seeing him.  Every time his phone rang, he would pick up and almost yell, “Any news?” and walk into another room._

_I managed to get him to be home for Christmas and New Year’s, but only his body was here.  His mind was somewhere else, which just made my suspicious wife brain kick into overtime. He didn’t come home for over a week in January. He told me he needed to stay at headquarters in case there was news and they needed to deploy at a moment’s notice. I was on the verge of calling it quits (again), and then he came home absolutely beaming. He kissed me hello and cheered, “Score one for the good guys!”._

***********************************

 _Lucy.  That’s the day we finally got Lucy back from Flynn,_ Wyatt recalled.  He remembered those weeks without her, and how it was like he was finally able to draw a breath when he held her in his arms in that hell hole in Chicago. At the time, he hadn’t even realized that that it was the holidays when Lucy had gone missing, so he wasn’t really surprised that in Jessica’s timeline he had forgotten as well.

With hope in his heart that Jessica’s tale would soon take a positive turn, he flipped through the entries looking for the date when he and Rufus went back to 1983, and then he remembered that wouldn’t have happened in Jessica’s timeline.  _She was alive.  There was no reason to steal the Lifeboat and go to Toledo_ , he realized.  He could only hope that meant that the bartender didn’t die that night after all, but for the sake of Wes Gilliam’s two victims, he also hoped the guy didn’t get laid either.

Wyatt skimmed the rest of the entries from 2017 and was sad to read that his alter ego’s treatment of Jessica didn’t really improve.  It seemed he wasn’t as drunk as often, probably given that he was always on call for time travel, but even sober, he continued to withdraw from Jessica and their marriage.  And in doing so, her resentment continued to build.  She had all but given up hope for a baby, and apparently just before the explosion at Mason Industries, she had planned to tell Wyatt that she was going to enroll in some college courses and pursue a degree in pharmacology.

Unfortunately, she never got a chance to register for classes.  Wyatt had disappeared without a word, and not knowing whether or not she was a widow, she signed up for double shifts at Gilroy’s to make sure she could take care of herself.  After the first two weeks, she was able to confirm with the US Army that Wyatt was in fact, still alive, just on a mission.  She wrote she was relieved at the news, but hurt that she hadn’t heard the news directly from her husband. That was the final straw, and that’s when she called the lawyer to draw up the divorce papers.

There was one final entry in the journal dated today, and unlike the other entries, it was addressed directly to Wyatt:

_Wyatt – I hope you don’t view this as a “Dear John” letter, because it’s not.  I know what it’s like to be left alone without a word, and I won’t do that to you.  But I wanted you to read these words, because I know that if I try to say them, you will interrupt me and try to stop me from saying my peace._

_I love you. In spite of all of the things that have happened these past six years, I am still that teenage girl from Texas who fell madly in love with the “Baddest Bootlegger” of West Texas. But even though you grew up and became a disciplined soldier and national hero, there is a part of you that I could never heal.  I know that you love me with all of your being, but you had demons that you couldn’t fight, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t help you beat them._

_I realize now that those demons prevented you from being the best version of yourself, and the reason I know that is because the man you are today is the person who has finally beaten them.  I wish that I could say that it was me that helped you get there, and in a way I did, but not because of my role as a loving and supporting wife.  You got there, because in your reality, I was your late wife._

_My “death” brought in more darkness, especially because you blamed yourself for how it happened. But it was through this Lifeboat mission and this team, you found a reason to live again, and that’s why you’re not only still standing, but thriving. I am so proud of you, but this victory does not belong to me._

_Our past was not perfect, but it is our’s – or at least it was.  Now it’s only mine, and I can’t spend the rest of our lives trying to forget it or teach you about the reality that I lived.  It’s not healthy for us, and it wouldn’t be healthy for the children I hoped we would have one day._

_I think we have to face the fact that even though I didn’t die six years ago, our marriage was on life support, but we were both too stubborn to give up.  So instead we held on to it, hoping for a miracle and ended up making each other miserable.  Resentment is poison, and it tainted our past.  I don’t want it to taint our future._

Wyatt closed the journal after reading the last line and stared at the ceiling feeling everything and nothing at the same time.

“You have to let me go.”

He immediately sat up at the sound of Jessica’s voice, but all he could do was stare at her silently.

“We have to let each other go,” she said entering the room carrying a tray of food which she placed on the desk before sitting down beside him.

“I can’t,” Wyatt told her with tears welling up in his eyes. “I can’t… fail you again.”

“You see, that’s the problem.  You think you failed me six years ago when I ‘died’,” she couldn’t help but to use air quotes, because it helped to lessen the gravity of thinking of her own demise. “Wyatt, six years ago, we failed each other, because we weren’t looking at our marriage or each other’s happiness objectively.  We had happy times and happy days, but we weren’t happy – not really.”

“But we can be happy now,” Wyatt protested.  “We can focus on the present.”

“We could,” she agreed, but then added, “but without the context of the past – a shared past, what are we really trying to do? Rekindle a teenage romance?  We’ve done that already, Wyatt, and it was fun, but life’s too short to make the same mistakes again.”  Jessica reached down to hold Wyatt’s hand.  “I want nothing more than for us to grow old and be happy, but I don’t think we can do that together.”

Wyatt knew she was right, and he finally nodded his head to show he agreed.

“One more thing,” Jessica said after the emotional weight of the moment finally seemed to pass.  “I want you know that I forgive you.  I forgive you – and the other you - for the arguments and the mistakes that were made in the past, and I hope that you can forgive me, too.  We both deserve a clean slate for the future.”

Wyatt nodded and squeezed Jessica's hand.  “Absolutely.  I hope you find someone who truly deserves and appreciates you, because you are going to be an amazing mom one day."

 

************************************************

Two days later, Jessica walked through the bunker to say her goodbyes to the team.  She was relieved that the first person she ran into was Lucy, who was sitting by herself in the kitchen with a cup of tea and an open book.

“Hey,” Jessica said quietly, “I’m glad I found you.”

“Hey,” Lucy smiled and replied, “Well, when you can’t leave the bunker, there’s only so many places I can be.”

“Very true, which is why I’m happy I’m finally able to get out of this place,” Jessica said.

Lucy’s body stiffened.  “You and Wyatt are leaving?”, she stammered. “For good?” Feelings of fear and sadness started to flow up her chest.

“Oh no. Not Wyatt. Just me. I’m going into the fascinatingly frightening world of witness protection,” Jessica said.

Lucy looked at her thoroughly confused. “I’m sorry. Did I miss something?” 

“Wyatt and I decided to go through with the divorce, and we asked Agent Christopher to arrange for a new identity for me, so that I could leave the bunker and avoid Rittenhouse’s radar. She was kind enough to put a rush on the request, so I’m leaving in a couple of hours.” Jessica stifled a laugh looking at Lucy’s face which still had a perplexed look on it.  _I can see why Wyatt thinks you’re so adorable_ , she thought to herself.  “Wyatt and I kept it quiet to avoid looks like that," she said with a smile.

“Oh.” It was the only syllable that Lucy could muster, but she finally recollected herself. “Jessica, I’m so sorry to hear that.  I really thought you two were working things out.”

“Thanks.  We tried, but some history isn’t meant to be fixed, especially if it’s at the expense of the future.  Which is why I wanted to talk to you before I left,” Jessica said sitting down in the chair across from Lucy.

“O…K…,” Lucy said half-afraid of what was coming next.

“I’m not going to presume to know how you feel about Wyatt, and trust me I don’t want to meddle, but I do want him to be happy.  So I just want to make sure I say this, because knowing him, he’ll put his foot in his mouth a couple of times trying to tell you his feelings.”

Lucy quickly suppressed the memory of Wyatt telling her she’s not hideous in the reflected light of a moonlit pool.

Jessica continued, “No matter what happens next for the two of you, please know that Wyatt and I came to this decision together.  For the first time, we objectively looked at our marriage, and we realized we don’t belong together anymore.  We would have saved each other a lot of grief had we come to this conclusion six years ago, but hey ‘everything happens for a reason’, right?”

Slowly a supportive smile appeared on Lucy’s face. “I agree with you, but we try to avoid discussions about fate and higher powers in our line of work.  But I’m sorry, I’m still not sure what you’re trying to tell me.”

“Last month, you stopped me from walking away from Wyatt in spite of the fact that we both knew how he feels about you.  That was incredibly selfless of you to put Wyatt’s happiness ahead of your own.” Jessica proceeded cautiously with the next few sentences.  “But I have a feeling that you’re also the type of person who is stubborn enough to put your pride ahead of your own happiness.  I’m sorry if that sounds like an insult. It’s not meant to be.” 

Lucy wasn’t insulted, but she still had a confused look on her face as she tried to figure out where Jessica was going with this.  Lucy nodded, inviting her to continue.

“It’s just if I was in your position, I might feel resentful at the prospect of being someone’s second choice.  But I want you know that is absolutely not the case with Wyatt.  As soon as I saw the way Wyatt looked at you that night in the hospital, I knew that you are the person he _wanted_ to be with.  But in the time you’ve known him, you helped him become a better man.  And that man felt like he had to choose to be with his not-so-dead wife.  How’s that for a paradox?”, Jessica chuckled.

Finally understanding, Lucy gave Jessica a small smile.  “Thank you for saying that, Jessica.”

“It’s Amanda now,” Jessica said with a wink, “and you’re welcome.”

***********************************

AFTERWORD

In the weeks after Jessica’s departure, the team seemed to be traveling non-stop, but they were finally making some headway in figuring out Nicholas’ ultimate objectives and scoring some wins along the way. 

Although they kept their distance at first, eventually Lucy and Wyatt started to fall into familiar patterns of banter and partnership.  Neither attempted to broach the subject of their personal relationship with the other, not so much out of avoidance, but more because their “work schedule” didn’t allow for an appropriate time for them to talk it out.

Returning exhausted from yet another tussle with Emma and Rittenhouse agents, everyone headed to their respective quarters early one evening to rest up before the Mothership alarm blared again. 

Lucy, however, was hit once again by the insomnia bug, and pulled on her robe and headed to the kitchen for some tea.  As she approached the kitchen, she was surprised to see the flickering light from the TV.  Thinking perhaps someone just forgot to turn it off, she rounded the corner only to find Wyatt sitting on the loveseat watching _Weapon of Choice_.  She walked to the back of the loveseat, deliberately shuffling her feet so as not to surprise the trained Delta Force operative.  She placed a hand on his shoulder, and without looking up at her, Wyatt put his hand on top of hers and held it gently.

“Want some company?”, Lucy asked.

“Sure would, Ma’am,” Wyatt replied as he lifted his arm so that she could walk around the side of the loveseat without letting go of each other.

Lucy settled in next to him, and Wyatt put his arm around her and held her close.

“Should we talk?”, Lucy ventured.

“Yes, but let’s wait until we get to the scene where James Bond seduces Lucy. I usually mute that part anyway,” Wyatt said with a smirk.

Lucy smiled and pulled Wyatt’s arm tighter around her.  “Deal.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for sticking through this story with me until the end! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
